wish-i-may

i love him. i will always and forever love him. he no longer feels anything. it hurts. it hurts more than anything that i have ever felt before. mommy dearest cant take me into her arms and dry my tears and make me happy anymore like she used to when i was a little girl. the pain seems to fade at times, but its still there. i am surrounded with people that constantly tell me that i will be over him soon enough, but i know that deep down he will always come first no matter the situation. the emotional pain of losing his love hurts, but not as much as it hurts to know that he doesnt care. i have never lied to or about this kid to anyone yet som

its so deep that i can almost hear the shattering of the heart. he told me a lot of shit. a lot. that i have been wanting more than anything for almost a year. that was yesterday. i had to be about the happiest, most completed person ever. like i said that was yesterday. today. he said that he thought about it and that he loved her. well okay i guess. can we still be friends. i dont know. ya he used to be my best friend. like that will last. he ignored me today. hung out w/fuckin kelley. shes trying to get involved cuz "carolyn wants to know the answers to some questions so i am asking him for her". im sorry. but if she wants to know the answ

oks. well not exactly heartbreak. but close to it. hes an ass. he was an awesome guy..then turned out to be an ass. but dont they always. single is okay tho i guess. being surrounded by friends rly helps too. just the fact that he said that he wanted to be friends then never called back. a week by this saturday since ive talked to him. kinda hurts that he doesnt make it evident that he wants to keep my friendship. but i guess that ill get over that. but matthew wont have to worry..i promise him that i wont be that thing's last resort. but im ok i guess. ok now im done feeling sorry for myself. now that thats over..i went running w/audy..kelle